Road to Hell
by u don't need to know
Summary: Woohoo!! Kurapika, Gon. Killua, etc. are going on a roadtrip. What awaits them? humor on the later chappies.*mainly about Kurapika* *Slightly AU and a little ooc*
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.  
  
Author's note: I am back! That's all, thank you.  
  
Road to Hell  
  
Kurapika couldn't believe it. He was about to go on a road trip with the freakiest people he knew. Well, Killua, Gon and in a twisted way, Neon, was okay, but Leorio, Hisoka, Machi, Kuroro and Pakunoda?? Sure they were his friends, but it he just couldn't imagine what freaky things they would bring to his life.  
  
He sighed and looked at the window, it was getting late, good thing he packed his things already. His eyes suddenly shifted to the navy blue bag he was bringing. He sighed again. Why did he say yes anyway?  
  
~ Flashback~  
  
"Noo!!! I am not going Gon!" Kurapika shouted in annoyance  
  
"Please Kurapika!! It will be FUN!!" Gon pleaded, "Plus, the gang won't be the same without you!!"  
  
"Gon, look... I'm just not into this kind of thing." Kurapika explained calmly, as if he was talking to his daughter  
  
"Please!! Just this once!! It's gonna be so much fun!! We'll be stuck in a van together!! Traveling!" Gon smiled  
  
Kurapika sighed, that was the whole reason why he didn't want to go, "But Gon, we practically live in the same house! What more can you want!"  
  
"Well, it's not like you have anything to do this summer!" Gon tried to reason-out  
  
"Well, I was planning to read this book.."  
  
Kurapika stopped as he saw Gon pouting, "Gon.. Don't give me that look!"  
  
His warning didn't work because Gon still continued to pout until Kurapika sighed in defeat.  
  
"Oh, okay! I'll go"  
  
"Yay!!" Gon jumped around merrily, "we're leaving this afternoon! Better pack your things now!"  
  
He opened the door, revealing all of his friends standing and smiling. They must've been listening to the whole conversation. Leorio gave Kurapika a peace sign as he saw Kurapika glare at him.  
  
~end of flashback~  
  
"Kurapika, it's time to go!!" a high-pitched voice said, Kurapika figured out that it was Machi  
  
"Coming" he answered as he carried his bag.  
  
"This is going to be a long summer" he whispered to himself as he opened the door to his room. 


	2. Shizuku, The Zaoldyeck Family and the 4 ...

Disclaimer: I do not own anything so please. Do not sue me  
  
Chapter 2  
  
"Hell. This is going to be hell. I tell you.." Machi murmured under her breath, her fists clenching  
  
Kurapika smiled, Machi never liked traveling. He almost felt sorry for her, but also a little relieved that he was not the only one refusing to go.  
  
He cleared his throat, "So. How come you didn't turn Gon down. You're good at turning people down, so why didn't you do it this time?" Kurapika said, trying to stop Machi from her constant muttering.  
  
Machi stared at Kurapika for a while. She must have been spacing out, "What?"  
  
"I said, why didn't you turn Gon down." Kurapika repeated, a little annoyed  
  
Machi cocked an eyebrow, "Do you wanna know?" she said, putting her hands on her waist  
  
Kurapika half smiled and shook his head, "Tell me. Gon gave you his ever famous pout didn't he?"  
  
"YES! YES HE DID!!!!! IT'S SO ANNOYING!!!! WHEN IS HE GOING TO STOP THAT ANYWAY!" Machi suddenly screamed as she threw her hands back out of frustration.  
  
Kurapika smiled, that was the first time he saw Machi in a sudden burst- out.  
  
Machi stopped suddenly, "Here we are."  
  
Kurapika stopped, he looked straight forward and saw a large moss green van and his friends outside it.  
  
Killua and Gon were talking to each other, the subject must have been funny, because they were laughing. Leorio was just quietly leaning on the van. Hisoka was playing cards with Neon. Kuroro was reading a book and Pakunoda was staring quietly at the sky.  
  
"So, are you ready to go?" Kurapika asked them. They all looked at his direction  
  
"No..." They all said in unison  
  
"Eh?" Kurapika uttered in confusion, "But we're all here!"  
  
"You wanna know why?? Because that STUPID, SHORT-TERMED MEMORY GIRL IS COMING WITH US!! WHY? BECAUSE SUNSHINE BOY INVITED HER!" Leorio suddenly shouted  
  
Gon scratched his head, "Her name is Shizuku, Leorio! Plus, she's nice and cool so I decided to invite her!"  
  
"Oh yeah! So where is she now, sunshine boy? I bet she forgot that we invited her!" Leorio answered him angrily  
  
Kurapika slightly agreed with Leorio, that Shizuku girl was pretty spaced- out very often, but he decided that it would be bad if Leorio and Gon will fight, "Guys, stop fighting!! Let's just wait for her!! Maybe she'll be coming in a few minutes!"  
  
Leorio sighed and shrugged, "Ok, ok, we'll wait!"  
  
"Yeah, she'll be here in a minute!" Gon answered  
  
~3 hours later~  
  
"OK!!!!!! WHERE IS SHE NOW?!!!!! GOD, WHY DID I INVITE HER!! SHE'S SO STUPID!!" it was Gon's turn to shout now  
  
Everybody stared at Gon's sudden outburst. Gon shouting in frustration... That was just weird  
  
Leorio smiled and patted Gon's back, "That'my boy!"  
  
"HEY!!!!!!!!! I'M SORRY I'M LATE!!!!!!!!!!" A girly voice suddenly bursted out  
  
A girl with short raven hair and glasses ran towards them, "I'm -uhhh- sorry- I- *inhales* forgot!" she said while gasping for air  
  
"Oh.... Ok!!" Gon returned to his cheery personality  
  
Nobody said anything, they just stared at the girl, who was still panting  
  
Kuroro cut his attention away from the book he was reading and smiled, "So.. Is everybody ready? Can we go now? I'll drive..."  
  
Everybody stopped staring at Shizuku and stared to stare at Kuroro and nodded.  
  
They got in the van and Kuroro started the engine, "Here we go!!" he stated  
  
"WAIT!!" Killua suddenly shouted  
  
"WHATTISITNOW!!!" Leorio rubbed his face roughly in frustration, he just wanted to get out of this place..... Now.  
  
"Dude, I gotta piss!"  
  
Everybody sighed as Killua got out of the van. Kurapika rested his forehead on his hand and shook his head, Machi was right.... This is going to be hell.  
  
~Somewhere near the van~  
  
Somewhere near the van Kurapika and the others where in, there were other people watching them.  
  
"Mom, are you sure this is Ok?" a man with long black hair and wide eyes (very wide eyes) asked a woman with a rather old-fashioned dress and face covered in bandages  
  
"Of course it is!!!! I just want to spy on my little baby!" The woman replied  
  
The man already wide eyes widened, "Why can't we just let him be!! I mean he is already a teenager!!"  
  
The woman hit the other man's head with her fan in annoyance, "Kuso! What did you just say?!?!"  
  
"I said, I love you, mommy.." The man answered  
  
"That's nice... Now where are your siblings? And your father!"  
  
"Uhhhhh.... Mom, I think we got a problem here..." The young man stated looking at something  
  
The woman followed the direction of her son's BIG eyes and to her shock, she found her husband running around, shouting because of a giant monkey following him... Trying to eat his arm  
  
"Ohmigod!!! Silva!!!!!" The woman shouted as she picked up the scattered fingers of her husband.  
  
~In some cornfield~  
  
"Yarel, why did we have to land here!!" A petite asian girl shouted at the pleasantly plump one  
  
"Because we are the aliens of the planet huhuhahakukakukakukaku!! And according to our mistress Buchog, it is our tradition to land in a farm or in a cornfield!" The so-called alien, Yarel explained  
  
"Uhmmmm... Yarel, Tali, Ricca. My butt hurts.." A rather young-looking asian girl informed them  
  
"Yeah, whatever." Ricca, the freaky one, answered  
  
"Uhhhh... Why are we here anyway!?" Tali asked frustratedly  
  
"Well... Queen Buchog told us that our mission this time is ruin someone's vacation.. And the lucky ones are..." Yarel took some time as she read a piece of paper, "Kurapika's gang."  
  
The three other girls shrugged indifferently, "Kurapika's gang it is.."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: What will happen to Kurapika's gang ?  
  
They will have to wait for another day to go because Killua fell asleep on the toilet  
  
The giant monkey will eat them  
  
They'll go to... Uhhh... the beach  
  
They'll stop in a rest stop in 10 min. because Killua needs to piss  
  
What will happen to the Zaoldyeck family?  
  
They'll continue to spy on their son, even if Silva's arm is missing  
  
They'll all be eaten by the giant monkey  
  
What will happen to the 4 aliens?  
  
They'll try to ruin Kurapika's vacation  
  
They'll be eaten by the giant monkey  
  
They'll just pig-out in McDonalds  
  
I decided to make it a slight romance/humor fic...... Can you help me with the pairings? Oh yeah, review and I'll give you a Holy Cookie o' Choc'late!! *holy music* 


	3. Off we go!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.. So please, don't sue me.  
  
Road to Hell  
  
"What the hell!!!!!! We've been sitting here for at least an hour now!! What is taking albino boy so long!!!!??" Leorio almost stood up from his seat, his breathing ragged.  
  
"I don't know... Maybe we should look for him." Kurapika suggested.  
  
Neon rolled her eyes, "Or maybe we should just leave him!!"  
  
"I'm serious!! Maybe we should really look for him!! I mean who would stay in a bathroom for an hour?" Kurapika informed them, slightly shrugging.  
  
"Do you think he's constipated? Maybe he is!! It always takes me long *ahem* when I'm constipated!" Shizuku told them without thinking. The others stared at her in disgust.  
  
Kurapika's ye twitched, "Uhhh... That's nice!! Now, let's go find Killua!!"  
  
Everyone agreed and got out of the van.  
  
________________ Near the van_________________________________  
  
"Hey!! What are they doing? I can't see!" Silva growled as he pushed the bushes in front of his face away, to give him a better view.  
  
"Dad, your arm... er... stick is poking my eye!" Illumi complained, shoving the stick away.  
  
"Hey!! You threw my stick away!" Silva complained as he moved to the road to pick his stick. The others looked at the weird sight of Silva sticking the stick back his upper arm to replace his lower arm, which was eaten by a random giant monkey.  
  
"Aaaahhh!! That's much better!" He said, wiggling his arm.  
  
"Er........ Dad, better hurry up... You are in the middle of the road!" Karuto, a girl with cat-like eyes, black hair and very white skin told her father  
  
"Yeah, yeah whatever!" Silva answered waving his stick-arm, he started to walk towards his family but then... He looked down the ground... DUN DUN DUN.  
  
"Oooooohh!!!!! Look! A doughnut!" He stated as he ate the half eaten doughnut on the ground.  
  
"Uhhh.. Dad.." Milluki- the FAT one- started to say  
  
"Shut up fatboy, I'M BUSY!" Silva interrupted him while finishing the doughnut.  
  
"OHMIGOD!! SILVA!! THERE'S A TRUUUCK-CK-CK-CK!" Silva's wife stammered  
  
Confused, Silva turned around.  
  
*BEEP BEEP*  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Silva let out a girly shriek as he scrambled to the other side.  
  
"Oooh! Shut up fatboy, I'M BUSY!" Milluki mimicked his father while laughing. The others joined as well.  
  
Silva ignored his son as he continued to kiss the ground. Thanking God for saving his life.  
  
_________________ Back to Kurapika and the gang_____________________________  
  
"Aaaaacckkkkkkkk!!!!!!! GETAWAYFROMMEYOUSTUPIDMONKEY!"  
  
"Whatwasthat??" Gon asked them, as he looked around.  
  
"It's coming from the bathroom!!!" Kurapika informed them and they started to run towards the so-called room.  
  
"HHEEELLLPPPPP!!!!!!" Killua cried as the giant monkey started to chew his foot.  
  
"Killua! The monkey is eating your foot! That's so cool! Guys, imagine Killua with a stick replacing his foot!!! Isn't that cool!?" Shizuku exclaimed with utter happiness.  
  
The others just stared at the optimistic.... Stupid, but optimistic Shizuku.  
  
"GUYS!!!!! HELLPPP!!! AHHH!!! IT'S BLEEDING!" Killua shouted, scratching the floor.  
  
"Dude! Use your nen!" Pakunoda sighed in disbelief... This was very pathetic.  
  
"Huh?" Killua's tear stained face looked at Pakunoda, "Oh yeah!"  
  
Killua started to concentrate.. *Nen nenny nenny thingy majigerie!!!!*  
  
He started to look at his foot, just to check if something changed..But nothing did, the monkey was still chewing his foot in an enjoyed manner.  
  
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!! It's not working!!!" Killua started to reach his hand out to Gon.  
  
Without thinking, Leorio put up some kung-fu moves, thinking that it might scare the monkey away, "WATTAA!!!!!! KWATATATATATATA!!!!! WAHKAAA!!" he started to yell.  
  
The monkey -thankfully- stopped chewing Killua's foot and stared at Leorio.  
  
"I'm so like a genius! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Leorio's laugh turned out to a loud scream as the monkey started to chew HIS arm.  
  
"AHH! GETTIMMAWAY!!! GETTIMAWAY!!!" Leorio started to frantically shout, running around everywhere.  
  
The weirdness suddenly stopped when Leorio accidentally bonked the monkey on the head.. And surprisingly, it fainted.  
  
"Oooookkkayyyy.. Who wants to get out of here?" Machi asked them while staring at the KO'd monkey. Everyone raised their hand and they started to move out of the bathroom, leaving Hisoka.  
  
"Hisoka?! C'mon, lets go!" Machi signaled to him as she followed her friends.  
  
When Hisoka was alone. He started to laugh evilly... Throatily... Cruelly.  
  
(A/N: What is he up to? Dun Dun Dun! Find out at the end of the chappie)  
  
_______________ At some cornfield________________________________________  
  
"Okay... So how are we gonna get out?" Asked Ricca.  
  
Yarel smiled and just shrugged, "Queen Buchog is so gonna be proud at us!!" she sighed dreamily.  
  
Talissa grabbed Yarel's shoulders and slapped her furiously, "Dude! Forget about the mission! How are we gonna accomplish it if we can't even get out of this place!"  
  
Yarel smiled, " Okay! Lets imagine you in a coma! It's fun!"  
  
Talissa cocked an eyebrow, "Huh? What the hell? Yarel!! Will you act normal please!"  
  
"Guys! Look at Vivi!" Ricca interrupted them and pointed at the youngest alien.  
  
The others stared at disbelief when they saw their youngest sister eat the corn thingies. The sisters smiled, they had a plan.  
  
"Okay! Help Vivi eat the corn!!" Talissa shouted as the others joined Vivi with her eating.  
  
~1 hour later~  
  
"I'm sooooo full!!" Ricca burped while rubbing her bloated tummy.  
  
"What the hell!! Where's my corn!???? What did you do!!?" A random farmer suddenly screamed, pointing crazily at the aliens.  
  
"Go to hell, loser.." Yarel glared at the man  
  
The farmer glared back, then started to cry, "So I'm the one going to hell! You're the one who ate my crops!! You even ate the roots! I'm calling the police!!"  
  
"What the.. Yarel!!!!" Talissa slapped Yarel's arm furiously.  
  
"Guys!! I think we have to get out of here!!" Ricca started to panic when she saw a police approaching them.  
  
"I agree with you." Talissa glared at Yarel one last time before getting to her feet and started running. Yarel and Ricca followed her.  
  
"Wait!!!! Where's Vivi!?" Talissa suddenly stopped, she turned around and saw the police man dragging Vivi to a car.  
  
The aliens gasped, "VIVIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *shrugs* Oh well."  
  
________________ Back to Hisoka___________________________________________  
  
Hisoka kept laughing... laughing.... laughing.. and laughing.  
  
~10 minutes later~  
  
"Hisoka!! We're going!" Machi tugged Hisoka's shirt impatiently.  
  
Hisoka smiled impishly. "Coming my sweet!"  
  
Machi started to walk. "Don't call me that.. And oh yeah. Why were you laughing?"  
  
Hisoka thought for a moment then shrugged, "I don't know.. I just felt like it. Now come with me, my sweet!"  
  
"I said, don't call me that!" Machi rolled her eyes.  
  
Hisoka just shrugged and watched Machi walk away. He-then- decided to follow her.  
  
~  
  
"So where do you wanna go?" Kuroro asked them as soon as they got in the van.  
  
"Let's go eat somewhere!" Killua suggested, grinning widely.  
  
"Ok, where?" Kuroro smiled.  
  
"Kenny Rogers!" Killua answered, licking his lips.  
  
"WHAT?! Dude, that's thirty miles away!" Kuroro cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"What?? We're in a road trip aren't we?" Killua defended.  
  
"Oh yeah... Oh well.. Okay." Kuroro muttered under his breath as he started the engine.  
  
____________ To the Zaoldyeck family_______________________________  
  
"Oooohhh! Look! The car's starting!" Silva pointed.  
  
"Can I spy on Hisoka, please!" Illumi asked for permission.  
  
"Uhh... Sure." Kikyou eyed her son suspiciously, "Son, are you gay? Don't get me wrong. But you always seem to be interested in Hisoka, plus.. I found a picture of him in your room."  
  
Illumi looked shocked, "You sneaked in my ROOM?!"  
  
"Now, now!! Calm down!! Kikyou... How many times have I told you, not to bother our offspring! And Illumi, don't worry, we don't care who you like or what gender he is!! We respect you as who you are! Blah blah blah, yaddah yaddah yaddah!" Silva started to explain as everybody stared at him, eyes twitching.  
  
"Stop that already! They're moving now!" Karuto interrupted them.  
  
Everybody nodded as they got inside their own van and started to follow the other one.  
  
_____________Back inside the van________________________________________  
  
Leorio looked around, there was Kurapika sitting between Kuroro and Killua. Hisoka was sitting beside Machi. Killua was talking to Gon, who was beside him. Pakunoda was talking to Kuroro who was in front of her. Neon was shouting at Kurapika.  
  
He sighed, everybody seemed to have partners, exempt for him and Shizuku.  
  
"So Shizuku, talk about something! You haven't talked for a while!" Gon smiled at the girl.  
  
Leorio sighed.. Even Shizuku had someone to talk to. He felt somehow left- out and lonely, and then he read a billboard sign.  
  
'Feitan's Dating Agency!! If you want a date!! Come to Feitan and he'll find you one!'  
  
Leorio read the address of the office, and suddenly, he found himself smiling. *holy music*  
  
"Uhh.. Kuroro... I gotta piss." Killua suddenly blurted out  
  
________________Back to the 4.. er..3 sisters___________________________  
  
"Hey Talissa." Ricca called her elder sister.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Where's our giant monkey?"  
  
*End of Chapter* 


End file.
